As I stated in my last blog post, this road we’re on to pursue a dream and follow God is a lot like riding a roller coaster. It’s all over the place. There are big hills and twists and turns and loops. At least, that’s how it feels emotionally at times. There are some days where I am thrilled to be on this adventure, and there are other days when I’m absolutely terrified. There are days of feeling ready to conquer anything set before me, and there are days of feeling completely overwhelmed and inadequate. And then there are the days when I’m not sure I even want to be on this ride at all.
Journal excerpt: Today is a day where I look at all my meager offerings and think it would be so much easier if I didn't have such a big dream to chase. Today, it just feels too large and too hard. The negative voices in my head are putting in overtime, saying: I don’t have much money; I don’t have any land; and I only have one horse. I’m just an ordinary girl. How can anything be accomplished through me? I don’t have much to offer, and I’m often getting in my own way.
A beautiful part about having a relationship with Jesus is that He never abandons us, and even now I can hear Him whispering to my heart in these dark moments. He reminds me to trust Him and that He gave me these dreams for a reason. He is the source of this vision and it doesn't all rest on my shoulders.
I might be an ordinary girl with meager offerings, but He is an extraordinary God who has done much more with so much less. He took an average group of men and made them disciples. He took a prostitute and gave her purpose. He took 5 loaves and 2 fishes and fed a multitude. He can do anything.
So, what do I do on these dark days when I feel discouraged? I keep praying and asking God to help me in my unbelief. I look back and see in His Word where He has made something from nothing, and I think back to times in my own life where He has proven Himself faithful time and again. My perspective can be so limited and self-focused. God is already at work around me, whether I can see it or not, so I also ask Him to show me where He’s working now.
And, I offer up to Him everything I am and all that I have, even though simple and small it might be. What can He do with the little bit that’s in my hand? I don’t know yet, but I am eager to see.